it are the questions where mankind is working on as long as there is a mankind to speak off: where do we come from ? are we alone? is there something after death? and is there some kind of god out there?
this are questions that also keep me busy from time to time and I also have a need for a meaning in my life (as you could have read in one of my post).yesterday evening was I once again breaking my head on the pointlessness of what is called life.(the times wherein I don’t see any point in life come and go once in a wile) I decided to go and see if a God could be the answer to all these troubles, people who believe in it do often say that it does so I simply googled God.
I came on a Dutch side that was called (translated for you) are you looking for god? I looked around and found a letter that was for everyone intrested.
it promised exactly what I was looking for and what I felt I needed: someone that understands me completely, someone that protects me no matter what, a home and perfect love from a perfect father. doesn’t everyone want those things, I do.
I feel often not understood by the rest of the world and not always to save. I also sometimes feel like I don’t belong in this world, that I am a mistake. I have a father that I love deeply and I do believe that he loves me but showing that love isn’t his strong point and I do miss that sometimes. maybe I realist yesterday how much I have missed that.
I thought that maybe this could give me some peace of mind, because if God is leading the way there is nothing really to worry about and questions are answered, all you need to do is believe. believe without any kind of prove that is and that’s very hard or maybe even impossible to me.
the letter moved me and I wanted to hear more about it and speak to people who do believe. the Internet provides in almost everything you ask and so it did this time. I was on a Christian chat group in no time. had a small conversation before I asked one question, one that is important to me and one that I could have known they would answer wrong. I know a lot of lovely, kind people who are gay and I needed to know whether they where cool with that. there answer was. yes, we are but god isn’t and he will deal with them, prey for them. that was more or less the end of that conversation because I strongly am of opinion that gay people are NOT doing anything wrong so they don’t need my or anyone preying for them. (if you are wondering: no I am not gay) and how can a real loving god have anything against two adults truly loving each other ? also the simple question where does god come from, was a very hard one.
no, I don’t think the believe in God is the answer for me, don’t think that I can stop my wondering mind from wondering and questioning everything, it’s my nature to do so. this is I think a good thing, I mean the world did come this far because of people wondering and questioning stuff, the consequence of this is that I so now and then get tired of wondering or that my head explodes from being filled with questions.