I did it my way….

the title is out of one of my favourite songs (at the moment) My way from Frank Sinatra. for the people who don’t know it here are the lyrics:

And now, the end is near,
And so I face the final curtain.
My friends, I’ll say it clear;
I’ll state my case of which I’m certain.

I’ve lived a life that’s full –
I’ve travelled each and every highway.
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets? I’ve had a few,
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course –
Each careful step along the byway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew,
When I bit off more than I could chew,
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way.

I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried,
I’ve had my fill – my share of losing.
But now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that,
And may I say, not in a shy way –
Oh no. Oh no, not me.
I did it my way.

For what is a man? What has he got?
If not himself – Then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way.
Yes, it was my way.

and there is then also my new goal,to no matter what life brings, I can say in the end, I did it my way. that is not a easy thing to do for me and maybe even impossible but to strive to it is enough for me. I am someone that looks at other people for approval, I spend a lot of time in trying to be as normal as possible and to make sure that everyone was happy and that everyone liked me. everyone except me that is. I found out the hard way that pretending and trying to be normal, just like everyone else, doesn’t make me very happy because it is something that I will always fail in. and with normal I mean fit in, be between those lines that others find so comfortable and most people really want that everyone fits between those lines because that is just easier for them. trying to be liked by everyone makes tired because everyone is happy with something else and it also kinda made me forget myself. I am rediscovering who I am, what I think, what I feel. I am trying to find what my way is and that isn’t easy.

but whatever life brings me, I want it to be my life and not that from everyone else.

right before I leave this world,let my last words be:

Yes, it was my way.

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