life kicks me down at times, sometimes it doesn’t take much to make me feel like its the end of the world. then after a wile I pick myself up and go on with life, till the next time that is.
maybe its less painful just to stay down because the time that I do feel all right start to feel like a cosmic joke, gods little play with me. I’m not sure how often I can take it to fall again.
in those times I feel very sad, my memory from everything good gets lost and I know it. everything even a bit joyful is no more, so in that sense it is the end of my world. this can take a hour or 2 if I’m lucky, days, months if I’m not so lucky. once it took over 2 years to get even a bit better, I have no idea how I got though those years.
its not getting any better, it really doesn’t. I often heard from people that things get easier with the years but it all just getting harder. people are expecting a lot more from me, although I can’t be better, I often already feel like I am just faking my way through just hoping that no one notice.
this is a lot of rambling to just say, maybe I should just fall one more time and stay down until I have learned to stand up for good.