nostalgic to the extreme

lately I am feeling very nostalgic, I miss my childhood and want it back! there is one expect of my childhood I miss more then anything, to be taken care of.  I was a child that wasn’t without troubles because of my autism. everyone I came in contact with knew I was someone with special needs. I had attention to spare and people kept me in mind so that my needs where never forgotten. now I life alone, work in a place where they don’t know anything about my condition and I have convinced my parents all is fine this way. so the only one really taken care of me is ME and its hard. I have a great need for attention that goes unanswered because I don’t really have the skill to keep a conversation going with someone who doesn’t put in that little bit extra.my contact to people a limit and shallow, the people who know the most about me are you here on line.

I want to go back to the time where I was kept save, where expectations where not this high to a time where people took my hand and showed me the world. its almost Christmas and I can’t help to be sad because its just not what it use to be, a warm day filled with traditions and  a big caring family. now my family has fallen apart and we don’t see aunts and uncles any more. when grandma died, a part of Christmas died with her.

I’ll just wait for the Doctor to pick me up and take me back..

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