I want to talk about faith and that is something else then religion to me, faith is trusting on something or someone without having really any evidence that earned that trust. I never had and probably will have any faith but I do admire it in others. I’d love to be able to just trust on something greater then myself or someone better then me or simply trust that all be alight. but my brain doesn’t seem to work that way, I need something solid to trust it and even then its hard because I am not very good in predicting consequentness or outcomes. most of the time it all doesn’t turn out better then I expect but worse and then I often don’t really know where it all went wrong. I can’t even trust my own mind at times because I don’t always control my own actions, something that scares me a lot. now some people where I spent a lot of time with every day, have proven to me that they are not to be trusted. so how can I have faith in anything if trust is something that is being broken time after time, I just try to keep save from harm as good as I can and take the blows that come at me.
another thing that doesn’t help me having faith is that I have a hard time with the things that come easy for others, that means for my life that really nothing came without hard work, to overcome lack of skill or fear.and even with hard work things often turned out badly,
so I try to control as much as I can, hope for the best but expect the worse.